From an early age the thing I knew, more than anything, was that I wanted to grow up and get married.
It wasn't a case of too many fairy tales, and visions of white knights on horses- in fact, I was rather the tom boy. If anything my cousins were the ones toting around baby dolls and playing house with Barbie and Ken. No, for me, it just seemed like the logical evolution of one's life. Grow up, get a job, pay the bills, find someone to share your success, and failures, with- live happily ever after. And as soon as I was old enough to begin dating I fell hard and fast.
In fact, I never really 'dated' much. Once you've found someone you're really keen on, why continue looking- aren't they important enough to invest your time in and doesn't it feel all the more meaningful to actually commit? I always thought so.
And that's how, at 22, I found myself married.
"You were married?!" they always exclaim in awe.
I don't know how that's supposed to make me feel. Do I seem too young? Do I come off as too demanding to have ever married? Is it really that out of the ordinary for someone my age to be divorced? Or have I just suppressed that entire portion of my life so much not a single trace of my marriage remains? It's probably a combination of the latter two.
Ironically though my online community, my readers, know all too well I was married. That's precisely how this blog began with a young newlywed, housewife, whittling away the hours until her husband came home.
Why was I filing for divorce at 25?
These are questions I ask myself regularly, despite the illusion that the entire chapter has been written from my life-book. Because my marriage left me scared. Scared to love. Scared to trust, Scared to even try. Yet my heart still longed to be a part of someone just as invested in me as I am them.
I think it was our second date at which I boldly proclaimed to Jay, "I don't ever want to get married again."
Those are pretty harsh words. Words he's reminded me of ample times throughout our relationship. Words I worry I will never shake.
This feeling of hopelessness is not uncommon.
It's hard to see beyond the loss of what we want to the reality of the love we have. And every marriage is based on that- love. And, as cliche as it sounds, anything worth having is worth fighting for- in this case, fighting means work. Marriage Fitness, to be exact.
I know, I know, the average person doesn't jump out of bed excited for that hour when they can hit the gym. We don't enjoy standing in line for the leg machine, or the burn of our muscles as we stretch them beyond their comfort for the sake of building strength. But we love the high, the feeling of accomplishment, and pride, the vitality of health. Marriage is exactly like this. Think of it as a vital life organ you much constantly exercise in order to maintain one of your most precious gifts, love.
When I was married- my husband and I went to 'counseling.' The term itself seemed to symbolize the end of our marriage. A last ditch effort that typically only left one or both of us feeling frustrated, or resentful towards the experience and one another.
And that's where Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel comes in. Every marriage is unique, and the hurdles each couple face are uniquely diverse. Nobody can heal that marriage other than them. And Mort Fertel understands that with his easy to digest audio Marriage Fitness course. When you break a leg the doctor can prescribe casts and medication to help you through the healing, but you ultimately decide if it will heal, and how long that will take. Marriage Fitness puts the responsibility, and the power, back in your hands again.
I had a chance to delve into just some of the course's free content- The 7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage and I was fascinated to read about a phrase I have heard, and said, before in both marriage and past relationships, "I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you." You would not believe the true sentiment behind that phrase and how you should best respond should you ever hear it. That insight, alone, was well worth signing up for Mort's FREE Marriage Fitness and Help.
As someone who has been in a broken marriage, lost, and wondering where to go, what to do to piece my marriage back together, I certainly wish I had had Mort's Marriage Fitness program available to me. Who knows, I might never have started blogging, with the wealth of information, tools, and support offered right here by phone or online.
But most importantly, as an individual, I grow more and more each day so I can no longer be that person who says, "I don't ever want to get married again." Because marriage is a workout well worth doing.
Learn more about Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel and sign up for the FREE 7 Secrets To Fixing Your Marriage course today!
What Daughter Says: Committing to strengthen a marriage, rather than repair it, will yield a healthier relationship for both involved.