Momma Told Me: No mother is an island.
My mother never wanted children. And, while we live in a very modern society, that statement is still a bit shocking to this day. It certainly wasn't something she advertised when she was 'on the market' and even her family had no idea as the doting newlyweds (my parents) negotiated children like it was a peace treaty.
Whenever I tell anyone that my mother, in my adult years, has casually referred to me existence as a "contractual obligation to her marriage" I find jaws drop and an uncomfortable silence wash over the atmosphere. But does the fact that my mother never aspired to be a mother make her a bad one? No. Her circumstances, or the origin of my life really has little to do with the kind of mom she was- just like so many other mothers, she made it work. And, at the end of the day, my happiness and health was really the only honest measure of her success as one anyone should have needed.
Such is modern motherhood. Mothers work full time careers while the husband stays home, other mothers are single and 'making it work' the best they know how, while some love staying at home playing 'Betty Homemaker.' Every mother is different, yet every mother faces the same universal challenges while aspiring to do something so simple and organic, love their children and provide them with
better things.
This brings me back to my into. There are so many things mothers have had to tackle and juggle throughout time, yet,even single, a mother is never alone.
Think about it, how many years has it been since you last were able to close the bathroom door for a solid section of time without having to 'trick' a child to distraction? Those with children long out of the home will also relate to the juxtaposition of the love/hate relationship between a mother and child through the awkward tween years. So dependent, yet so independent.
The truth is, if you have ever been told "I hate you, you're the worst mother ever" you were doing your job right.
It's ironic insights just like that which make Louis C.K.'s new FX Network dark comedy
Better Things an instant hit in my book. While the pilot, which aired last Thursday (September 8, 2016) was almost painful to watch at times it was also exceptionally raw. Motherhood unadorned one might say. At last a strong female role, raw in her own flaws, yet so modernly practical in her solutions. If the main character, Sam, mother to 3, doesn't inspire you with her careful navigation of modern parenting battles, then you'll surely identify with at least one of the stages of parenting exemplified in her daughters of varying ages.
With each character having a rich, well built, identity, it's obvious after just one episode the challenges will be many, and the solutions not always so obvious. After all, Sam is the kind of mother we don't see in modern television- even Gilmore Girls' Loralei didn't dare step as boldly in her parenting as this motherly figure. And sometimes the battles chosen to forego are equally shocking.
We all have a perception of what the 'perfect' mother is- she makes cookies for every class party, reads her kids stories before bed every night, makes sure everyone is brushing their teeth, and never allows sugar after nightfall on a school night. But this is for the mom's who know that's not practical- that the real world does exist and will try your wits and resources no matter how cool, calm, and collected you are. That sometimes ice cream is breakfast, you lie to your daughter's teacher about completed homework, and 'crazy hair day' is the highlight of your month because you don't have to fight tears and tangles for a half an hour before school that day.
In fact, there's a scene in the
Better Things pilot that could have been ripped from my own childhood as the lead character, Sam, exasperatedly calls out for an employee amidst the aisles of an office supply store, mortifying her teenage daughter. That's precisely the behavior Momma would have, and did, do when she felt her parenting obligations were overwhelming her among the less than ideal circumstances of society. And, let's face it, parent or not, haven't you ever felt as though finding something you needed in a seemingly empty, employee-less, store was near impossible? Try adding a last minute school shopping list and a sarcastic teenager into the mix, as motherhood.
I can't say Better Things, on FX networks, will delight everyone. It is extremely raw, under produced, and plain un-apologetic. However, in a world where Parenthood is no longer on the air, this dark look at motherhood, and parenting, is a welcome addition to my fall line up. A guilty pleasure, if you will. The next episode actually airs tonight and I've already put a reminder in my phone to catch it on-demand.
Motherhood can be downright exhausting, yet, clearly, constantly fulfilling. It's okay to feel both, exhausted and fulfilled. After all, they say it's the hardest job you'll ever have to do. Make sure to take a time out after the last child has gone to bed, but before the first child decides to wake up and crawl into yours, and check out
Better Things by Louis C.K. on FX networks, airing Thursdays this Fall. In the mean time, enter to win yourself some better things in the special promotional bundle pictured above. One lucky blog post comment will be chosen to receive a lush prize pack including; CHIPOLO Bluetooth Tracker, genuine leather BAGGU clutch, Ray Baan sunglasses, a silk hypoallergenic plush travel pillow, essential oils, mints, and more!
To enter to win the Better Things promotional prize bundle, valued at over $125, check out the Better Things trailer and leave a comment below telling me if you've watched the first episode of Better Things (if so, what you thought) OR what interests you most about Better Things on FX networks. Winner will be drawn at random from comment numbers on September 29, 2016.
What Daughter Says: For better or for worse, no mom is ever truly alone.
