Bucket List Tuesday: #18 Get Back To High School (Weight)

Momma Told Me: Enjoy it, while you've got it!


No, I don't need to go back and get my high school diploma; I did that, and younger than my peers- but it does seem I left something behind with the old alma mater. That's right, skinny me. You see, the ironic thing is that I never had much, okay, any, self esteem in high school. I was 2-3 years younger than most of my peers (thanks to a few years skipped), and had more interest in academics than socializing. In my Sophomore year my father was put on a strict diet for cholesterol, and I was blood tested for cholesterol screening too. Elevated numbers, thanks hereditary, resulted in Momma overturning the entire household menu, and sending me to school with, literally, a can of Slim Fast. (That certainly didn't help my mindset) The funny thing is, I look back at all the photos from my teenage years and I was hot! Okay, I'm certainly not a narcissist, but it boggles my mind to ponder how I could have felt so awkward and unattractive.

In our teens, and 20s, we often hear the phrase "Enjoy it while you've got it," but it seems I might have ignored that one all together. It's one of life's cruel lessons that complexion, metabolism, posture and more reach their peak in our youth, and slowly fade each consecutive year following. Of course, there are the truly determined, those so set on finding the fountain of youth they avoid all contact with the sun and spend hours at the gym, daily. But the reality is that once life gets moving, and boy does it move, it's hard to keep up with all the gradual changes our bodies have in store. My tale is as classic as girl meets boy in early 20s, girl asks boy to marry him, girl marries stranger, girl gains 78lbs, girl divorces guy. I have NO EXCUSES for how I've 'let myself go,' but I also firmly believe that beauty exists at every age, shape and size. I didn't always appreciate the me that was 10 years ago; but the eye opening look back makes me view present me through different colored glasses.

So here I am, circa 2003, just out of high school and completely overwhelmed by the changes and decisions impending within my emotional and spiritual life. At 158lbs, and almost 6' I recall constantly being critical of what I ate and how my pants fit. Look, there is a jawline I haven't seen in a decade! Flash forward just about 10 years later, 256lbs, with a warning from my physician about diabetes, I knew it was time for a change. I'd gone from counting calories to eating anything that made me feel better (and I needed to feel better often at the end of my marriage). The biggest difference? Unlike gorgeous, teenage, Jenna, this Jenna was already fiercely empowered about her body/figure/shape. I was not unhappy with how I looked, simply how I felt. I was finally ready to change for all of the right reasons! And as I began, slowly, shedding those pounds I began to realize that this could really happen; a new Bucket List goal developed.

Before I go, likely sooner than later, I'd like to get back to my 'high school' weight. Okay, so the exact goal is not 158, it's a healthy 175, for my height. It's also a tone, not buff, healthy me. Why? Not because I hope to look like I once did- but because I want to turn back time and appreciate the health and beauty I so very much neglected from the beginning. Right now the short term goal is to reach 200 by Summer (I weighed in at 216.7 today), but ultimately, I'd like to be able to paint my little piggies without huffing and puffing through the muffin top. As it is right now, I haven't been this weight in years, and I feel amazing. I'm not doing anything extreme, and there are no crazy gym schedules or diets. I simply cut out all of, and it was a lot of, the snacking and sugars from my beverages. I drink lots of water, and I walk every day on the treadmill we got over the holidays. For me, it has been that simple- and this is one Bucket List goal I know I'm capable of checking off! See how much of a difference 5 months and 30lbs has already made on my face???

What Daughter Says: I don't hope to look like I once did, but I do hope to be the best me, now, that I can be!